Why do I love my E34 M5? Besides the fact that it is fast as hell?
It's all the little things really .... the little things that are
absent on my car but are there to annoy you and placate you in newer
cars.
When you turn off the car and leave the key in the ignition, it doesn't
bong at you crazily when you open the driver door. No red alert "IDIOT,
YOU LEFT YOUR KEY IN THE IGNITION!!". It quietly waits knowing that you
can't lock the doors anyway without the key so what difference does it
make if you left it in? I love the ergonomics. They are functional and
surprisingly do not look dated (much) by today's standards. My car does
not have automatic climate control, just simple rotary knobs the way I
like it. The window controls are in the center console the way most BMW's
have been. I like this design very much and I notice at night when I
open the door to get out, they remain lighted until the door closes. Nice
touch.
Speaking of other nice touches, the shift knob lights up with the pattern.
I can't explain why, but I really dig this. I find myself glancing down
at it when driving at night enjoying the soft glow it puts out. The dashboard
gauges are the characteristic BMW red back light color, but they put out
a more sophisticated, softer glow than my wife's much newer E46 325ci.
A lot of what I enjoy about the E34 in my opinion represents a crossing over
point for BMW that won't be repeated again. BMW was in some trouble in the
late 80's, early 90's in the North American market. There are many factors
that contributed to this that I learned about in my marketing class, but
one thing that I think happened was they were building cars that they thought
people should buy. Not what hundreds of focus groups and minivan buyers
told them they wanted. In many ways, this is very bad and not what a company
wants to do (ignore the customer wishes). But I feel that at this period of
time, BMW still knew what was best for us ... and they created the E34. It
was a huge leap forward in refinement and styling. If you look at it compared
to the E12, E28, E39, and the E60, the E34 styling truly stands on its own,
COMPLETELY on its own. It has no cup holders and other whining American
features. I like to drive with coffee at times so I can't say I wouldn't
like to have cup holders, but I know BMW built this car to represent excellence
and "the ultimate driving machine", so I live with it. The car is ... just
has Hans and Klaus intended it to be .... take it or leave it. I LOVE it
but it isn't for everyone and I can understand that. But living with it
every day, the car is just so good for so many reasons that you can't help
but admire how "right" they got it and how many things it does superbly even
by 2005 standards. The fact that I'm referring to my M5 doesn't hurt, but
even a chipped '91 535i 5spd is no slouch in power.
Other things I like ... no traction control but it does have anti-lock brakes.
I'll handle the driving, thank you very much, and if I wrap it around a tree, it's
my own damn fault. The seatbelts in the rear (not that I ride back there at all)
come across your opposite shoulder from most cars. Neat and different. The onboard
computer is fun to play with. You can calculate average speed, average mpg, all
sorts of things. Find out the outside temperature. My car also has keyless entry
and as most BMW's do, you can use the key in the lock (by turning and holding it)
to close all windows and the sunroof. So cool that feature is that I use it all
the time in the summer.
My M5 as a euro model has the leather center console and door panels. They just
feel SOO good under your skin, running your fingers down the stitching, it feels
expensive and lovingly crafted. All M5's have sport seats and mine are very
deeply contoured so that you sit down in them, cradled and held firmly. Wide asses
need not apply, there's a Lincoln Town Car out there somewhere that you should
be driving instead.
By pushing the turn signal stalk in, you activate the message center under the
speedo and tach, echoing back many of the onboard computer functions and also
checking things like engine oil, light bulb status, etc. Can you believe that
this car is 12 years old? I certainly can't.
Finally there's that glorious motor. It isn't quiet, it shakes the car at idle, but
it is just so pure, such an example of glorious engineering and the pinacle of
the S38 BMW engine development that you can't help wanting to give it a standing
ovation. Pop the hood, lift it (nope, you went to the wrong end, this hood tilts
up, the RIGHT way), ah, just look at those individual throttle bodies and the
valve cover writing. BMW M Power, 340 horsepower out of 3.8 liters? Perhaps 20
more with the chip? There are undoubtedly faster cars out there, but not all
have an engine with TRUE racing roots under the hood (NOT roots as determined by a
crack marketing team for some TV commercial, where roots means that their production
and race motor both have pistons and valves). Certainly very few cars have engines
that were built by hand by absolute craftsmen. Many exotics do, but how many
family sedans can you think of that are built this way?
Like I said, the E34 M5 is the last of the handbuilt M's and probably the best,
final example of what this way of thinking and engineering can produce. This isn't
to say that there aren't a few things that I don't (airbags, ever try to replace
a headlight in one of these cars?, and doors that are designed to trap water and
hence rust at their bottoms), but there is so much that appeals to me as a driver
and owner, that I hope to keep and enjoy this car for a long time to come. May
she age gracefully.